The apes are taking over! we have already create the first one of them and it's not going to be long for others to make appareance. They can think and read already! damn it the future of this world is doom! they can even talk to humans, ah! For our relief there is only one who do that, or who did that. But why I write "who?" the correct thing is "which?" beacuse that piece of meat is not human.
This especial character is taking overin books and everything. Who knows Daniel Quinn? for me he is the first human being controlled by that ape who claims to know the way to save the earth. That ape which preditcs the doom of mankind. Ishmael I think is his name. the animal is the first one of a especie who wants to overcome the humans, they want control and power. Just like the film!
That thing says that we are destroying our world, it says that the race of man is the worst thing that had happen to earth and that his being, or any other anymal especie, is going to be the new owners of the world. It says that we believe we are our own gods. I think that thing is just upset because we have stop wordshipping animals a long time ago, yeah that must be the reason of that to try to alarm the people in this world. Such a loser thing.
We humans will find a way, we don't know how yet but we don't need animals to come and talk to us, trying to make us believe that they know everything. What a bullshit!
The only thing the ape got right is that indeed we are going in a wrong way, but that does not change anything.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Goodbye...
It is a special sunny day; the intense warmth of the sun is impossible to avoid at five o’clock in this summer afternoon. There are no clouds today, not within 30 miles; the sky is blue, so blue that it seems that the whole universe is painted in the same color. It is as if the sky were nude. The breeze is so soft that it feels like Mother Nature herself is showing her affection. Spending the time in a park is a delicious choice: The shouts of the children playing in the grass; a bunch of boys playing soccer; the sound made by the skates; the voices of teenagers gathered in groups talking… Such a landscape can make anyone who sees it smile.
Near Avenida La Marina there are series of small parks, with the size of one or perhaps two blocks. The last of those parks has a green building at its end, and that green building is where my dearest dreams can be found. The whole happy picture of the park means nothing without that green building. There she lives, and that is where I am going. I am going home, just as Denzel Washington would say: “to blue lagoon”. I am going home and maybe this is the last time I do it: Tomorrow I will be on a plane heading north, and I will be going for a long time. However, I can not travel without visiting her one last time, maybe because I fear that this will be the last time I see Andreita.
We met in the eleventh grade of high school. Even though we were in the same class one whole semester, we started talking only at the end of it. Mainly because she was one of the smartest people in class; as a matter of fact she is one of the smartest people of her age I have ever known. It all started when she helped me with physics, until that date I had never met someone who has behaved so nicely with me, at least for the first time we ever talked. After that incident I used to go to her for almost every academic trouble I had. I hardly could believe the patience she had with me. I, too, tried to help her in everything I could, but that was almost nothing compared to her help towards me.
During the last weeks of that year we had more chances to interact with each other. She used to sit in the same place for an entire semester, and there were times that I got to sit next to her. Those days were unique. It seemed as all the fun I had during that year of high school was not compared to those days, not compared at all. She did not use to talk very much but once the conversation was on, we would both enjoy it.
At the end of that year I received the notice that I would have to travel to Africa and stay there to finish my studies. We said goodbye to each other with the feeling that something more had to happen. And so it did when the destiny told me that I could not stay in Africa, the only thing left to do was to comeback to do the last year of high school in Peru. Somehow I knew that our friendship was given a second chance and I worked hard on it, really hard. That is why it hurts to have to say goodbye to her.
She was so different from me; I still can not believe we have come all this way together yet. I think she is too woman for me, she has all the qualities a young lady of her age should have. She is so childlike; in her eyes I only see transparency. She smiles and all my problems go away, she is too sweet and tender. She knows she can get anything from me with her smile, everything except this last visit.
Ironically, this last visit is the first time I show up late. She is looking outside her window waiting for me; she lives in the third floor of a green building right in front of a park. I always liked going to her house. The bus stop is five blocks away from her building and those blocks are filled with a series of small parks. Walking through those parks used to take away any stress, they were the perfect way to start my disconnection from this world. Especially if I know that after those parks I get to be with her. But this time everything seems to be so strange and treacherous, every step that takes me closer to her home is challenging. I do not want to go on with the reality of this world, I do not want to accept the fact that I am traveling tomorrow. My courage is being tested as never before, at such a point that I fear it may fall. But I see her! I feel her tenderness encouraging me to keep going forward. Just to see her makes me able to feel the warmth of the sun. Just seeing her makes allows me to appreciate the wonder of the landscape in front of me. I feel me again.
Before the end of the eleventh year of high school where we started gaining trust on each other I used to be different. As a kid I considered myself as a good guy, but the opinion changed with the years and I was not sure if I was a good guy or a bad guy. Then I came with the conclusion that I am really neither a bad guy nor a good guy, I am just what a situation needs me to be. If the situation requires for me to I act following my moral values I will, but when the situation does not require them then I will not follow them. I often accommodated myself with the situation. But with her it was different, there was never a situation. I did not have to pretend or to hide anything. It just was her and me, and I loved those moments. Moments threaten to disappear forever.
I reach her building; it has a huge green grille at the back of it. I do not have to ring the bell, she knows it is me. I go on inside the building, up through the circled stairs until the third floor; there is small passage where at its end are two apartments. Both of them have brown doors but one of them has a black grille right in front of it, I know it is that one. It seemed it was yesterday the first time I entered into her house. We see each other and then she smiles at me; her little face turns into the first marvel of the world when she smiles at me. As soon as I see her I feel I have found the true me, when she smiles I feel I have found heaven. She shorted her hair and is wearing white pants and a blue t-shirt, she can wear anything and still she would look perfect. I greet her and her mom who is right behind of her.
Her apartment smells and feels like home. I feel disconnected to the rest of the world once I am in those walls. I feel as if there was no time within those walls painted in yellow. Once you have passed the door the first thing you will see at five or six more steps is the dinner table with its six chairs around it. At the left hand of the table there is the kitchen, -which I have not entered yet- I only have seen it from the outside. The television and the radio equipment are located just at the right side of the door in a big shelf. In front of that shelf and at the right of the dinner table there are three sofas, the softest sofas I have ever sat on. I try to see everything with great detail so I can remember forever.
Since the moment I decided to travel the course of my life headed a dark pathway. As the last day of stay in Peru approached my life came closer to that pathway. I am in her house for the last time, a new adventure have already begun. I am already in that dark pathway, but I am still near the star to be able to go back.
Inside us both try to imagine what the other feels. And at the same time we do our best to figure what are our own feelings. Even though I try my best to hide my sadness, I can not help feeling it. I think she notices it because she understands why. She knows what to do cheer me up. She knows how to encourage me to go on with this new course in my life; she knows she is the only one who can do it. If someone would ask me who is the stronger of the two of us I would just say that my strength comes from her, that she is my strength. She smiles at me and turns on the light for hope in this dark pathway in which I am in.
She smiled at me and now I feel able to manage all the feelings that were suffocating me. We sit down in her sofa, just like many other times before. I even can remember once her grandmother from Ica was visiting her and we could not sit on the same sofa. I was told that under the rules of her grandma it would have been inappropriate for us to sit together. It was really funny, I have never heard of such thing before. Sited both of us in the sofa, we share memories from our childhoods and laugh when something funny comes along. At some point it felt like it was like any other visit, everything seemed as usual as ever.
She planned to buy some books for her English classes. I do not understand why she wants to do that this especial day. Her mother says that she can do it any other day and I agree with her. But the English classes were only a cover; the main point was that we could come out of the house and take a walk for one last time. I can not believe I did not see it, I am lucky she does not get upset with that. She would have really loved one last walk by the park and I know so would I. Still, the moment has passed and there is nothing left to do about it.
After that unlucky event, it is my turn to surprise her. I wanted to give her something especial, a symbol of her influence of her on me, something that shows how much I changed from the day we met, and of course, something she can use. In my ex high school the professor of a course called family education gave us a quite small book to read. It belonged to a collection of books called “learning to live” and it had eleven books; a different book for each grade of school. The book corresponding the last year of high school was called “facing the big decisions in life” and it was about a twelfth high school couple: How they go through their last year of school, and their expectations of life. At the same time it also focuses in sexual education too. It helped me when trying to do the decision to travel and I know she would find a lot of use to it.
I present the book to her and she accepts it. In the cover of it were the characters of the history, in that group of people she points a girl and then points a boy. She says that she is the girl and I am the boy. I know it is the first time she sees that book but the funny thing is that the boy and the girl are the main couple of the book. She can not believe it either. It is this type of coincidence that I like and expect that they do not end in only coincidences.
At some point and only for a short moment I feel like there is no time, just as it used to be every time I visited her. The world stops once I am inside her home and the world stars running again at the moment I leave her door. However, we both know that this time is different. The world, its time and destiny conspire against us. To hide our increasing fear we ignore those three elements.
Her mother comes to the rescue and invite us a small meal. Once we are on the dinner table we discover the first thing in common we have: we both like the blue cup. This certainly makes me smile, to discover something in common for the first time even though it had to be in this occasion is very comfortable. I do not lie when I say is the first thing we both have in common. I have not met someone as different from me as her, and the chances for it to happen are so far that even the sun has more chances to explode in the next New Year eve.
We enjoy the meal, but after a while everything goes blue. I see her, I know she is very close to me, I can hear her little voice talking. But as the second pass by, I began to hear her quieter. I know we are close, but I am beginning to feel her far from me, farer with every moment. All the strengths I have left I concentrated in my face; I do not want her to know the lack of hope I am feeling. I do not want to make her feel sad; something tells me that she is feeling sad enough for me to make the situation even worse. My mind fall unconscious, and I keep trying my best for her to not notice it. I can not help feel that this is going to be the last time I see her; the sadness hidden under my face is increasing with every second. What can I do to hide it? What can a man do when he is asked to face his destiny leaving everything behind?
I am preparing myself to face my own destiny, this destiny that challenges me saying that I do not have the courage to start a new adventure. The destiny and I know that I am capable of it as long as she would go with me, but this time I am on my own and the chances for succeed are minimum. But I have put everything behind and have accepted the challenge of my destiny, the plane ticket is already bought and it is only matter of time for the final moment to come. Both of us knew that was going to happen and that the final word was going to be decided with this last visit. In other words, even though I have bought the ticket we both know that I am not a hundred percent sure if I really want this to happen.
I do not want the time to pass. I do not want to face the reality of the world. A reality telling me that my chances to come back for her are less than one percent. It feels like someone shouting at me telling I am going to fail. The destiny plays its last card to convince me to stay. It says to me to go and tell my folks that even though the ticket is already bought I do not want to go. The time laugh while I feel in hell, doubting of the decision I made for the last time.
The cruel reality is nothing more than the true reality. My dad is already there along with my old brother; both of them have decided to stay in the US. My mom has to stay in Peru with my younger brother at least for a year until he finishes high school. If I stay then the possibilities for the rest of the family to stay increase, if I go and stay in the US then the chances for the whole family to go abroad increase too. So the question would be: what to do?
The family issue itself is not by biggest problem. It is not my decision that matters there, at the end everything is decided between Mr. and Mrs. Fernandez. The biggest problem now is she. I do not want to leave her behind me. But the reality has a cold heart; it tells me to look forward in the future. If I stayed and we go to university together we will do fine, but doing fine in a Peruvian university is not enough to face the real life. A person has to be best to survive in society, and if he is not the best he will have to sudar la gota gorda to be able to make a life on his own. And as I matter of fact I really would hate seeing Andreita, after studying so hard for her bachelor degree, working hard for a salary that would be almost nothing.
But if I go and come back for her the situation would change dramatically, I would not have to see her work with an unfair salary. In fact, she would not have to work unless she wants to. All this seems a fine choice, but everything has a catch. What is the catch? While I am gone such thing as coming back for someone or waiting for someone becomes our greatest enemy. Even though I trust in her word, I do not think I trust in my own. I can succeed abroad and come to visit my family, almost everybody do that. They come back to see their family “with” their new family. Although Andreita and I have discussed the issue of meeting someone else shortly, that topic will always be there.
The destiny says to me that I have nothing sure, that if I go and I am not admitted I would have nothing else that to come back be defeated once again. And that this time the emotional breakdown is going to be much worse than the one caused by the failure when I traveled to Africa. The reality strikes again telling me that even if I succeed in the US there are not chances for her and me to happen. While all this happen, the time laughing like mad tells me that the meal is over and that she and I are watching TV.
The time tells me that, one way or another, this visit is going to end. The final moment to decide is approaching. I can continue with the decision to travel or I can look back in the dark pathway and run towards the gate of entrance and abandon the journey of tomorrow. It is almost eight o’clock in the night already, less than twelve hours to go to the airport, grab my stuff and leave forever.
My strengths are gone; the fear has taken over me. Even though my decision has not been changed, I see the probability to stay with bigger eyes than ever before. I can not stand the idea telling me that after tomorrow we would never sit in the same sofa again. I can not stand not being able to see her face again; I can not manage the reality of this world. The worst is that I do not have strengths left to ask her how she feels. I can not believe that for the first time I am not able to cheer her up, to hug her and tell her that everything is going to be all right.
The time comes closer and closer. We still have one last thing left to do. The problem is what: she wants something different from what I want. An easy yam-kem-po solves it. She wants me to sing something. I remember the first visits, she used to show me some lyrics and make me sing; usually songs in a different language, especially Asian ones. At the beginning it was awful, but at the end I used to like the song too.
This time she brought something in Spanish, the first time she does that. Reading the lyrics, listening she sing, and the fact that she wants me to sing it even though I have never heard that song before was just magic. I do not need to say how it felt; just saying what the song caused in me is going to be enough.
Let the world and its reality come! Let the time run! Let me face the destiny! I can beat them all three together. I can kick the ass of anything that says that she and I are not meant to happen. The whole world that was crushing against me with all its weight now fits in the palm of my hand, and it is me who is ready to crash it. She knows what I am feeling; she knows that for the last time she has given me strength. She knows I am ready now. She has made the final pact with me; nor the time or destiny not even this world and its reality can defeat us. We are not afraid of the last moment anymore.
We stand up from the sofa for the last time. I say goodbye to her mom, acknowledging her for everything and for raising such a fine kid as her daughter. She says that I am always welcome to her home, as long as I keep the right track in my life. I want to tell her that the idea of meeting her daughter again in the future is going to be far enough to keep me in that track. But I rather not tell her, at least not that moment.
Andreita opens the door and together we go down the circled stairs for the last time. We are in front of the green fence; it is going to past a long time for us to view the fence from the same side. We see each other and everything else dies in a hug, a hug that does not obey the laws of time. According to a normal clock it is no more than one minute, but in us it lasts all the time that have passed since we have known each other.
We had our last moment crossing the fence and now we are looking the fence but from opposite sides. She is here and I am there, but only for a period of time. She asks me to write to her and then she goes back to her home, she goes back and I can not scream for her to return. The moment has come to sail from my country and do not look back. I see her building from outside the fence for a moment and then I go.
The charming landscape that I first saw is now gone. There is no one except from her and me, together one last time. She watches me from her window, and I have to start walking away from her home. Now the steps are not challenging, nor anything. She is watching me going away from her; something none of us would have thought possible few weeks ago. I know I am going to come back, I just do not know when. But God gives me strength, gives strength to both of us. God accepted my request and put the moon for me, I see the moon and feel that this time I am not alone: He is by my side looking for me. Only He knows how this is going to end, I trust him with no doubt now.
The sky is completely dark, as if I am alone in the whole universe. I can not feel anything, neither the breeze of the sky or the cold of the night. I am walking now. With every step I challenge the destiny. I know she is looking at me but I can not turn back, I have already sailed. I will only look at her when I am ready, I am going away as a kid of 17 years old but I will come back as a man who looks for his lady.
She is there, in her apartment, in Lima a ten thousand miles from where I will be. I know she is going to do good here. She is smart, she is strong, she is tender, she is Andreita, she is my Andreita and I know God will always look for her. I know that someday I will come back and she will be looking from her window waiting me. I know when that day comes we would be able to look at the landscape surrounding us as never before, that day when we will be looking the full moon together.
A part of me will die when I pick the plane to the US, everything that I hold dear in this country will be left behind. But as one part of me dies another part will raise, the desire to come back and do this unfinished business. Andreita and I do not know what is going to happen in the future, the only thing that we know for sure is that before everything ends one more last visit has to happen. And it will.
Near Avenida La Marina there are series of small parks, with the size of one or perhaps two blocks. The last of those parks has a green building at its end, and that green building is where my dearest dreams can be found. The whole happy picture of the park means nothing without that green building. There she lives, and that is where I am going. I am going home, just as Denzel Washington would say: “to blue lagoon”. I am going home and maybe this is the last time I do it: Tomorrow I will be on a plane heading north, and I will be going for a long time. However, I can not travel without visiting her one last time, maybe because I fear that this will be the last time I see Andreita.
We met in the eleventh grade of high school. Even though we were in the same class one whole semester, we started talking only at the end of it. Mainly because she was one of the smartest people in class; as a matter of fact she is one of the smartest people of her age I have ever known. It all started when she helped me with physics, until that date I had never met someone who has behaved so nicely with me, at least for the first time we ever talked. After that incident I used to go to her for almost every academic trouble I had. I hardly could believe the patience she had with me. I, too, tried to help her in everything I could, but that was almost nothing compared to her help towards me.
During the last weeks of that year we had more chances to interact with each other. She used to sit in the same place for an entire semester, and there were times that I got to sit next to her. Those days were unique. It seemed as all the fun I had during that year of high school was not compared to those days, not compared at all. She did not use to talk very much but once the conversation was on, we would both enjoy it.
At the end of that year I received the notice that I would have to travel to Africa and stay there to finish my studies. We said goodbye to each other with the feeling that something more had to happen. And so it did when the destiny told me that I could not stay in Africa, the only thing left to do was to comeback to do the last year of high school in Peru. Somehow I knew that our friendship was given a second chance and I worked hard on it, really hard. That is why it hurts to have to say goodbye to her.
She was so different from me; I still can not believe we have come all this way together yet. I think she is too woman for me, she has all the qualities a young lady of her age should have. She is so childlike; in her eyes I only see transparency. She smiles and all my problems go away, she is too sweet and tender. She knows she can get anything from me with her smile, everything except this last visit.
Ironically, this last visit is the first time I show up late. She is looking outside her window waiting for me; she lives in the third floor of a green building right in front of a park. I always liked going to her house. The bus stop is five blocks away from her building and those blocks are filled with a series of small parks. Walking through those parks used to take away any stress, they were the perfect way to start my disconnection from this world. Especially if I know that after those parks I get to be with her. But this time everything seems to be so strange and treacherous, every step that takes me closer to her home is challenging. I do not want to go on with the reality of this world, I do not want to accept the fact that I am traveling tomorrow. My courage is being tested as never before, at such a point that I fear it may fall. But I see her! I feel her tenderness encouraging me to keep going forward. Just to see her makes me able to feel the warmth of the sun. Just seeing her makes allows me to appreciate the wonder of the landscape in front of me. I feel me again.
Before the end of the eleventh year of high school where we started gaining trust on each other I used to be different. As a kid I considered myself as a good guy, but the opinion changed with the years and I was not sure if I was a good guy or a bad guy. Then I came with the conclusion that I am really neither a bad guy nor a good guy, I am just what a situation needs me to be. If the situation requires for me to I act following my moral values I will, but when the situation does not require them then I will not follow them. I often accommodated myself with the situation. But with her it was different, there was never a situation. I did not have to pretend or to hide anything. It just was her and me, and I loved those moments. Moments threaten to disappear forever.
I reach her building; it has a huge green grille at the back of it. I do not have to ring the bell, she knows it is me. I go on inside the building, up through the circled stairs until the third floor; there is small passage where at its end are two apartments. Both of them have brown doors but one of them has a black grille right in front of it, I know it is that one. It seemed it was yesterday the first time I entered into her house. We see each other and then she smiles at me; her little face turns into the first marvel of the world when she smiles at me. As soon as I see her I feel I have found the true me, when she smiles I feel I have found heaven. She shorted her hair and is wearing white pants and a blue t-shirt, she can wear anything and still she would look perfect. I greet her and her mom who is right behind of her.
Her apartment smells and feels like home. I feel disconnected to the rest of the world once I am in those walls. I feel as if there was no time within those walls painted in yellow. Once you have passed the door the first thing you will see at five or six more steps is the dinner table with its six chairs around it. At the left hand of the table there is the kitchen, -which I have not entered yet- I only have seen it from the outside. The television and the radio equipment are located just at the right side of the door in a big shelf. In front of that shelf and at the right of the dinner table there are three sofas, the softest sofas I have ever sat on. I try to see everything with great detail so I can remember forever.
Since the moment I decided to travel the course of my life headed a dark pathway. As the last day of stay in Peru approached my life came closer to that pathway. I am in her house for the last time, a new adventure have already begun. I am already in that dark pathway, but I am still near the star to be able to go back.
Inside us both try to imagine what the other feels. And at the same time we do our best to figure what are our own feelings. Even though I try my best to hide my sadness, I can not help feeling it. I think she notices it because she understands why. She knows what to do cheer me up. She knows how to encourage me to go on with this new course in my life; she knows she is the only one who can do it. If someone would ask me who is the stronger of the two of us I would just say that my strength comes from her, that she is my strength. She smiles at me and turns on the light for hope in this dark pathway in which I am in.
She smiled at me and now I feel able to manage all the feelings that were suffocating me. We sit down in her sofa, just like many other times before. I even can remember once her grandmother from Ica was visiting her and we could not sit on the same sofa. I was told that under the rules of her grandma it would have been inappropriate for us to sit together. It was really funny, I have never heard of such thing before. Sited both of us in the sofa, we share memories from our childhoods and laugh when something funny comes along. At some point it felt like it was like any other visit, everything seemed as usual as ever.
She planned to buy some books for her English classes. I do not understand why she wants to do that this especial day. Her mother says that she can do it any other day and I agree with her. But the English classes were only a cover; the main point was that we could come out of the house and take a walk for one last time. I can not believe I did not see it, I am lucky she does not get upset with that. She would have really loved one last walk by the park and I know so would I. Still, the moment has passed and there is nothing left to do about it.
After that unlucky event, it is my turn to surprise her. I wanted to give her something especial, a symbol of her influence of her on me, something that shows how much I changed from the day we met, and of course, something she can use. In my ex high school the professor of a course called family education gave us a quite small book to read. It belonged to a collection of books called “learning to live” and it had eleven books; a different book for each grade of school. The book corresponding the last year of high school was called “facing the big decisions in life” and it was about a twelfth high school couple: How they go through their last year of school, and their expectations of life. At the same time it also focuses in sexual education too. It helped me when trying to do the decision to travel and I know she would find a lot of use to it.
I present the book to her and she accepts it. In the cover of it were the characters of the history, in that group of people she points a girl and then points a boy. She says that she is the girl and I am the boy. I know it is the first time she sees that book but the funny thing is that the boy and the girl are the main couple of the book. She can not believe it either. It is this type of coincidence that I like and expect that they do not end in only coincidences.
At some point and only for a short moment I feel like there is no time, just as it used to be every time I visited her. The world stops once I am inside her home and the world stars running again at the moment I leave her door. However, we both know that this time is different. The world, its time and destiny conspire against us. To hide our increasing fear we ignore those three elements.
Her mother comes to the rescue and invite us a small meal. Once we are on the dinner table we discover the first thing in common we have: we both like the blue cup. This certainly makes me smile, to discover something in common for the first time even though it had to be in this occasion is very comfortable. I do not lie when I say is the first thing we both have in common. I have not met someone as different from me as her, and the chances for it to happen are so far that even the sun has more chances to explode in the next New Year eve.
We enjoy the meal, but after a while everything goes blue. I see her, I know she is very close to me, I can hear her little voice talking. But as the second pass by, I began to hear her quieter. I know we are close, but I am beginning to feel her far from me, farer with every moment. All the strengths I have left I concentrated in my face; I do not want her to know the lack of hope I am feeling. I do not want to make her feel sad; something tells me that she is feeling sad enough for me to make the situation even worse. My mind fall unconscious, and I keep trying my best for her to not notice it. I can not help feel that this is going to be the last time I see her; the sadness hidden under my face is increasing with every second. What can I do to hide it? What can a man do when he is asked to face his destiny leaving everything behind?
I am preparing myself to face my own destiny, this destiny that challenges me saying that I do not have the courage to start a new adventure. The destiny and I know that I am capable of it as long as she would go with me, but this time I am on my own and the chances for succeed are minimum. But I have put everything behind and have accepted the challenge of my destiny, the plane ticket is already bought and it is only matter of time for the final moment to come. Both of us knew that was going to happen and that the final word was going to be decided with this last visit. In other words, even though I have bought the ticket we both know that I am not a hundred percent sure if I really want this to happen.
I do not want the time to pass. I do not want to face the reality of the world. A reality telling me that my chances to come back for her are less than one percent. It feels like someone shouting at me telling I am going to fail. The destiny plays its last card to convince me to stay. It says to me to go and tell my folks that even though the ticket is already bought I do not want to go. The time laugh while I feel in hell, doubting of the decision I made for the last time.
The cruel reality is nothing more than the true reality. My dad is already there along with my old brother; both of them have decided to stay in the US. My mom has to stay in Peru with my younger brother at least for a year until he finishes high school. If I stay then the possibilities for the rest of the family to stay increase, if I go and stay in the US then the chances for the whole family to go abroad increase too. So the question would be: what to do?
The family issue itself is not by biggest problem. It is not my decision that matters there, at the end everything is decided between Mr. and Mrs. Fernandez. The biggest problem now is she. I do not want to leave her behind me. But the reality has a cold heart; it tells me to look forward in the future. If I stayed and we go to university together we will do fine, but doing fine in a Peruvian university is not enough to face the real life. A person has to be best to survive in society, and if he is not the best he will have to sudar la gota gorda to be able to make a life on his own. And as I matter of fact I really would hate seeing Andreita, after studying so hard for her bachelor degree, working hard for a salary that would be almost nothing.
But if I go and come back for her the situation would change dramatically, I would not have to see her work with an unfair salary. In fact, she would not have to work unless she wants to. All this seems a fine choice, but everything has a catch. What is the catch? While I am gone such thing as coming back for someone or waiting for someone becomes our greatest enemy. Even though I trust in her word, I do not think I trust in my own. I can succeed abroad and come to visit my family, almost everybody do that. They come back to see their family “with” their new family. Although Andreita and I have discussed the issue of meeting someone else shortly, that topic will always be there.
The destiny says to me that I have nothing sure, that if I go and I am not admitted I would have nothing else that to come back be defeated once again. And that this time the emotional breakdown is going to be much worse than the one caused by the failure when I traveled to Africa. The reality strikes again telling me that even if I succeed in the US there are not chances for her and me to happen. While all this happen, the time laughing like mad tells me that the meal is over and that she and I are watching TV.
The time tells me that, one way or another, this visit is going to end. The final moment to decide is approaching. I can continue with the decision to travel or I can look back in the dark pathway and run towards the gate of entrance and abandon the journey of tomorrow. It is almost eight o’clock in the night already, less than twelve hours to go to the airport, grab my stuff and leave forever.
My strengths are gone; the fear has taken over me. Even though my decision has not been changed, I see the probability to stay with bigger eyes than ever before. I can not stand the idea telling me that after tomorrow we would never sit in the same sofa again. I can not stand not being able to see her face again; I can not manage the reality of this world. The worst is that I do not have strengths left to ask her how she feels. I can not believe that for the first time I am not able to cheer her up, to hug her and tell her that everything is going to be all right.
The time comes closer and closer. We still have one last thing left to do. The problem is what: she wants something different from what I want. An easy yam-kem-po solves it. She wants me to sing something. I remember the first visits, she used to show me some lyrics and make me sing; usually songs in a different language, especially Asian ones. At the beginning it was awful, but at the end I used to like the song too.
This time she brought something in Spanish, the first time she does that. Reading the lyrics, listening she sing, and the fact that she wants me to sing it even though I have never heard that song before was just magic. I do not need to say how it felt; just saying what the song caused in me is going to be enough.
Let the world and its reality come! Let the time run! Let me face the destiny! I can beat them all three together. I can kick the ass of anything that says that she and I are not meant to happen. The whole world that was crushing against me with all its weight now fits in the palm of my hand, and it is me who is ready to crash it. She knows what I am feeling; she knows that for the last time she has given me strength. She knows I am ready now. She has made the final pact with me; nor the time or destiny not even this world and its reality can defeat us. We are not afraid of the last moment anymore.
We stand up from the sofa for the last time. I say goodbye to her mom, acknowledging her for everything and for raising such a fine kid as her daughter. She says that I am always welcome to her home, as long as I keep the right track in my life. I want to tell her that the idea of meeting her daughter again in the future is going to be far enough to keep me in that track. But I rather not tell her, at least not that moment.
Andreita opens the door and together we go down the circled stairs for the last time. We are in front of the green fence; it is going to past a long time for us to view the fence from the same side. We see each other and everything else dies in a hug, a hug that does not obey the laws of time. According to a normal clock it is no more than one minute, but in us it lasts all the time that have passed since we have known each other.
We had our last moment crossing the fence and now we are looking the fence but from opposite sides. She is here and I am there, but only for a period of time. She asks me to write to her and then she goes back to her home, she goes back and I can not scream for her to return. The moment has come to sail from my country and do not look back. I see her building from outside the fence for a moment and then I go.
The charming landscape that I first saw is now gone. There is no one except from her and me, together one last time. She watches me from her window, and I have to start walking away from her home. Now the steps are not challenging, nor anything. She is watching me going away from her; something none of us would have thought possible few weeks ago. I know I am going to come back, I just do not know when. But God gives me strength, gives strength to both of us. God accepted my request and put the moon for me, I see the moon and feel that this time I am not alone: He is by my side looking for me. Only He knows how this is going to end, I trust him with no doubt now.
The sky is completely dark, as if I am alone in the whole universe. I can not feel anything, neither the breeze of the sky or the cold of the night. I am walking now. With every step I challenge the destiny. I know she is looking at me but I can not turn back, I have already sailed. I will only look at her when I am ready, I am going away as a kid of 17 years old but I will come back as a man who looks for his lady.
She is there, in her apartment, in Lima a ten thousand miles from where I will be. I know she is going to do good here. She is smart, she is strong, she is tender, she is Andreita, she is my Andreita and I know God will always look for her. I know that someday I will come back and she will be looking from her window waiting me. I know when that day comes we would be able to look at the landscape surrounding us as never before, that day when we will be looking the full moon together.
A part of me will die when I pick the plane to the US, everything that I hold dear in this country will be left behind. But as one part of me dies another part will raise, the desire to come back and do this unfinished business. Andreita and I do not know what is going to happen in the future, the only thing that we know for sure is that before everything ends one more last visit has to happen. And it will.
The Chemistry test
With nice weather surrounding him, Ricardo goes to the bus stop. The day presents itself with a nicely windy and cool atmosphere, with the immense light blue mantle of the sky on top of the world. As the day goes by, the king of the stars makes his way through the giant clouds. Today is “the day”; all his five senses are pointing to the same objective. The situation is manageable as long as he remains focused. He knows that the match ahead of him will demand a hard training. Still, he says to himself: “I can do it.” And so he went on a quest to prepare himself for the great battle.
The first preparations: Saturday 1 – Ricardo 0
The way is filled with obstacles since the very morning. The first tough one is the bus stop. Lamentably, he misses the bus. “It’s okay, this is only the beginning. This does not mean anything.” He got on the next bus, half an hour later. There were so many people in the bus that even though it was big it looked like a space so small that almost impossible to breath, he had to make his way to the back of it. It only took few squares to retire of that battlefield; he got off to wait for the next one. His skin could feel the hot of the sun in his face in a matter of few minutes only. “I must go on; God let me know you are there. Love me or hate me but just let me know you are there.” As the next bus approaches, he fills himself with hope. “Let it come, I feel I can take everything today.” Eventually it was way worse than the other one but it did not matter. It took more than an hour to get there but that did not matter either. At last he had made it to FIU. The happiness was such an emotion that made him believe possible to overcome that 0-1 against him.
Fighting with the problems: Saturday 3 – Ricardo 1
The first battle against destiny was over. Still the last ones are the hardest ones; more is yet to come. This is only the preparation to the final battle with the chemistry exam. The astonishing Green Library with its immense size makes him believe he has found refuge in a castle of knowledge. Hope is coming back again. The fight of a man against his destiny is hard; moreover, denying it is worse. He tries once, and then, and then again. Still, he can not tie the score. These chemistry questions are so damn hard. However, helps come to the one who needs it. And so it came; a friend of his helped him to morally come back to the match. “The hard thing when studying is to keep focused; ironically, that is also the key.” She said.
Yet again, he found himself low again. His surroundings were striking again, and striking hard. He felt like failing, but he went on. At this point the match had gone from 1-0 to 1-1 and was now in 2-1. He put all his heart and used all the energy he had left. Still, the problems did not yield to all the effort of the brain. He found himself alone, a solitude he have not felt a long time ago. He felt something that did not allow him to concentrate: the fear of failure. He said to himself trying to be positive: “The final goal is to understand the connection between the problems, to find the catch of the exercises.” But before he realized that phrase, he was already falling asleep. His body and brain were out of energy. Everything seemed to be going down.
The overcome of the preparatory match: Saturday 3 – Ricardo 5
“Ask the Almighty, and he will come and help you because his mercy is abundant.” Ricardo had fallen asleep for at least three times now. He woke up and started studying; suddenly, the surroundings disappeared. The energy appeared from nowhere. It was a miracle. He believed again. God did what he always does and what he is best at: help his sons when they need it. Ricardo felt himself full of the force again. He launched his counterattack with all his might and strength. And the chemistry book began to yield territory. The problems that seemed to be unbreakable began to crumble. Failure started to retire its troops. However, they did not fall back without fighting until the last piece of paper that they could take.
Winning the battle did not matter at all. Ricardo had come to a point that it was not important how far away from the victory he was. He already not only knew that the victory was achievable, but he also knew it was only matter of time now. As the time passed by the victory was making its way through. The night had already fallen, but he would not stop. At this point “the catch” between the chemistry exercises started to reveal itself. For a moment he thought that he had done enough. But it was too late for that: he was not only crushing the problems, he was enjoying doing so. Hence, he stayed two days in that fortress of books. And in the end he overcame the score.
The last preparations
Such an epic battle was a total moral win for Ricardo. He had made what seemed impossible so many times in the past; the problems were defeated without any doubt. The preparatory match before was only a way to train the soldiers of the brain to the final battle. Now the troops were completely prepared for the battle that seemed to be going to turn the direction of the war once and for all. Nevertheless, the enemies had caused struggle to Ricardo allies. Many of them fell at its hand. For a moment he doubted the outlook of the battle.
“Once you have started, do not hesitate. You will not have time to hesitate.” These were the words of Ricardo’s friends that have been already been victims of the exam. Even though the failure of some of his friends he was feeling quite comfortable with the situation. He knew he was prepared, if he had broken the chemistry problems once he could do it again. Even with all that self-confidence, his clouded destiny did not let him see how this situation was going to end. But it had to end, one way or another.
The battle for the middle earth
And so the Tuesday 13th arrived. Ricardo and his enemy had prepared themselves the best they could. Ricardo considered his troops the Spartans of the XXI century, a tough group of soldiers under the command of his brain. In all corners there was a rumor of the last one of the Honors to face the troops of the chemistry exam. Early before, the last ones of his allies to face the exam came to see him. Some made it, and some fell under its sword. And even after listening to them Ricardo still felt confident of his succeed. The moment of truth was coming closer and closer.
The match of the overturn was only minutes away. Ricardo could already smell the field of the stadium where he would face his destiny. There was too much at risk, and he knew it. That is why he prepared himself, mentally and morally. He went with the professor to the field and wait for the decisive moment. “Good luck.” Ricardo went to see a sorcerer to hear those words only, after that he knew he was 100% ready.
In the battlefield
The referee made the last arrangements, and everything was ready. At last the moment had come. “Any problem, call my office” said the referee. And the initial whistle was heard and felt like a thunder in the field. Both, Ricardo and the exam send everything they had. Ricardo broke the first lines almost with no effort. He then moved his soldiers with the will to devastate everything in his way. But the exam responded with the same brutality it had been attacked.
Before the time planned Ricardo had to change the front of the battle. He started attacking the back of his enemy. And with the feeling of revenge for his fallen friends, he charged one and again the enemy lines. Sometimes he found resistance but only few. Still, the battle will not be over until those few surrender. They launched a counterattack, but fortunately they did not succeed. The time, at the beginning in his side, was now neutral. And it was only matter of minutes for it to become an enemy. This was the only way in which the exam could have a possibility to win the battle.
Only two strongholds of the twenty at the beginning were left now. The time treacherous as ever, was now returning to my side. Victory was heard almost everywhere in the field. Still one of the two platoons was standing its ground. Making Ricardo appealed to his last weapon: his own luck. And basing on it, he could at last cry out the end of the battle. Finally, it had come to an end.
Another long wait
“Perfect! 100%” This was the shout of every single Ricardo’s soldier. The only thing left now was to go see the referee and hear the final verdict. Happiness was everywhere. The soldiers finally could go to their families and remain there until another call for battle comes. Still, the final encounter with destiny was yet to come.
Ricardo was in front of his professor. They both knew what the visit was about. Two cowboys in front of each other ready to use their guns. Ricardo saw the arm of the professor moving and before he could reach his gun he was already wound by a bullet. The test final score was 88%. He fell to the floor and faint shortly after that.
After he recovered, he went back to the professor. Three of the twenty enemy platoons managed to make their way out of the battlefield. They were reason enough to make the test the rightful winner of the battle. But, this will not be forgiven. An air of revenge, anger and fury is smelled in the four corners of the land of Ricardo. Another chance will come, although there will have to be a long wait for it to come again. But it will come anyway, and Ricardo will be ready and waiting for it.
Memories...
Y cuidado que se aloquen los caballos, que por aqui viene la salsa! I remember this salsa song when I lived with my grandparents over ten years ago. This song was from one of Hector Lavoe hits and it talks about christmas. This is one of many things I remember when I was a kid.
During this semester once I went with Maria and Christian to the center Casablanca for children. There we did some volunteer hours, like three I think. Our job was to be with the children, we could play with them or we could help them do their homework. But the thing was to be with them. Maria and Chirstian went to play with the kids and I had to stay with the kids who hadn't finished their homework. It has been long since I wasn't within three miles near with me and for more than one hour with a kid of less than eleven years old.
Seeing those kid made remember a lot of things. The screams, the disorder, the homework. So many things that made me feel very old. That is why I wrote about that a poem as my first post way back in October. I remembered that almost ten or nine years ago I, too, used to go to a place to help me get my homework done. It was so horrible in there, shit it was horrible.
My friends would call that place: the hell on heart, and with all reason. The ladies helping there were three sisters, my gosh they were so ugly. They were so strict, I think I remember some hits received by them or if it wasn't to me at least I saw some kids receiving them. I can still the screams of those ladies, they really were the hell on earth.
But it was good though, some girls from the girls- school used to go there too. That was the only reason, the only logic reason, one would let their parents send them to that place. I remember now that it smelled like dogs, actually with a good reason though because they used to keep three dogs there I think. I trying to see the restroom but I think is best for me to stop describing that place.
The main point of this post is to say that remember old times by seeing the kids in that center made me reflect about time and its great value. Each moment counts and each moment will lead a history, one we can hidde but no make them go away. I did not appreciate until that day, thank God he remind about the wonderfullness of being a kid once again.
During this semester once I went with Maria and Christian to the center Casablanca for children. There we did some volunteer hours, like three I think. Our job was to be with the children, we could play with them or we could help them do their homework. But the thing was to be with them. Maria and Chirstian went to play with the kids and I had to stay with the kids who hadn't finished their homework. It has been long since I wasn't within three miles near with me and for more than one hour with a kid of less than eleven years old.
Seeing those kid made remember a lot of things. The screams, the disorder, the homework. So many things that made me feel very old. That is why I wrote about that a poem as my first post way back in October. I remembered that almost ten or nine years ago I, too, used to go to a place to help me get my homework done. It was so horrible in there, shit it was horrible.
My friends would call that place: the hell on heart, and with all reason. The ladies helping there were three sisters, my gosh they were so ugly. They were so strict, I think I remember some hits received by them or if it wasn't to me at least I saw some kids receiving them. I can still the screams of those ladies, they really were the hell on earth.
But it was good though, some girls from the girls- school used to go there too. That was the only reason, the only logic reason, one would let their parents send them to that place. I remember now that it smelled like dogs, actually with a good reason though because they used to keep three dogs there I think. I trying to see the restroom but I think is best for me to stop describing that place.
The main point of this post is to say that remember old times by seeing the kids in that center made me reflect about time and its great value. Each moment counts and each moment will lead a history, one we can hidde but no make them go away. I did not appreciate until that day, thank God he remind about the wonderfullness of being a kid once again.
Friday, December 14, 2007
let's go to Shoprite!
Let me tell you about Africa. You have seen the films, you have heard a lot about it, at such point you have even felt sorry about it. Going to Africa tiwce in a period of time less than a year made me open my eyes into something I have never experienced before: the conctact with people of a very different cultural background than mine.
The first thing I saw was the biggest airport I have ever been in: Johannesburg International Airport. in that airport you will find a wall made of glass so big that makes someone see the whole African dawn with all its might included. The trick was to get from Sao Paulo to Johannesburg, a trip of almost fifteen hours. Fifteen hours! I can remember how bad my ass hurt even a day after I got off the airplane, and I can be told that my ass is weak because this ass has been through Peruvian buses' sit which mean that this ass is trained to support everything. Hell yeah.
After arriving to the airport you realize the strangest thing ever. For the first time almost everyone surrounding you has nothing physically in common with you. People going here and there, too busy to stop for a talk or for a drink. Or if that is not the case you will find people sitting in the chair sleeping in way like they have not slept in two days at least. I remember the stores in the airport, the biggest I have ever seen. talking about it, I recall that once I stealed like fifteen post cards and did not get caught. :)
In my way from Johannesburg to Ndola, which is the capital of a country called Zambia, my destination. Luckily the airplane is small and can not fly in high heights so I get to see the African landscapes. One of the most incredible things I had experienced unitl then. The reality strikes when arriving to Ndola. The colored people attending there do not look friendly to my family and me. I remember doing a joke to a woman officer and she got so mad, I mean damn! it was only a little joke.
Either way my father took us from Ndola to Kitwe, the city where he works. The road was not that bad, I have been in worse. But this was supposed to be best road in the whole country. The city was interesting, there was one cinema and one church. Both of those places full of colored people who usually did not smell like a bench of flowers, if you know what I mean.
There were two supermarkets in the city. One of them was from an Indian family and the other one was a group of supermarkets who had at least one shope for almost everycity in the country. It was called shoprite, and is was the strangest supermarket I have ever set foot in. Although it was so sunny it did not have air conditioned, so you can imagine the heat and the smell inside of the shop.
But in the city there was something like the flagler flea market. I did not have a name as far as I was concerned but it was really the typical african market located a few blocks away from the downtown and from the buses stop. Talking about buses, there were not any in that city, and I can be sure that there were not any in the whole country. There were something like combis, if you have ever heard about that term before.
Many things are yet to be told but I guarantee that those things are best kept for the next semester. Any questions you can reach me at my job.
The first thing I saw was the biggest airport I have ever been in: Johannesburg International Airport. in that airport you will find a wall made of glass so big that makes someone see the whole African dawn with all its might included. The trick was to get from Sao Paulo to Johannesburg, a trip of almost fifteen hours. Fifteen hours! I can remember how bad my ass hurt even a day after I got off the airplane, and I can be told that my ass is weak because this ass has been through Peruvian buses' sit which mean that this ass is trained to support everything. Hell yeah.
After arriving to the airport you realize the strangest thing ever. For the first time almost everyone surrounding you has nothing physically in common with you. People going here and there, too busy to stop for a talk or for a drink. Or if that is not the case you will find people sitting in the chair sleeping in way like they have not slept in two days at least. I remember the stores in the airport, the biggest I have ever seen. talking about it, I recall that once I stealed like fifteen post cards and did not get caught. :)
In my way from Johannesburg to Ndola, which is the capital of a country called Zambia, my destination. Luckily the airplane is small and can not fly in high heights so I get to see the African landscapes. One of the most incredible things I had experienced unitl then. The reality strikes when arriving to Ndola. The colored people attending there do not look friendly to my family and me. I remember doing a joke to a woman officer and she got so mad, I mean damn! it was only a little joke.
Either way my father took us from Ndola to Kitwe, the city where he works. The road was not that bad, I have been in worse. But this was supposed to be best road in the whole country. The city was interesting, there was one cinema and one church. Both of those places full of colored people who usually did not smell like a bench of flowers, if you know what I mean.
There were two supermarkets in the city. One of them was from an Indian family and the other one was a group of supermarkets who had at least one shope for almost everycity in the country. It was called shoprite, and is was the strangest supermarket I have ever set foot in. Although it was so sunny it did not have air conditioned, so you can imagine the heat and the smell inside of the shop.
But in the city there was something like the flagler flea market. I did not have a name as far as I was concerned but it was really the typical african market located a few blocks away from the downtown and from the buses stop. Talking about buses, there were not any in that city, and I can be sure that there were not any in the whole country. There were something like combis, if you have ever heard about that term before.
Many things are yet to be told but I guarantee that those things are best kept for the next semester. Any questions you can reach me at my job.
Goodbye Jessica!
This short post is dedicated to our dear friend Jessica Rodiles and to her haircuts :}
The first future marine that I have ever known, she has such a spirit to be able to wake up the deads. Her friendly laugh can only be compared with Roger's. They would always act like two crazy clowns and make everyboy have a good time by laughing.
She has a carisma hard to find these days. It is as if the people like her were in danger of extinction, I consider myself lucky to have found a person of that kind. She is the living example of la risa remedio infalible. You will see the pigs fly before you see Jessica not smiling or shouting of happiness.
She is also very participative, there would be not a single ENC 1101 class where she did not have said something. She sometimes found some difficulties to express herself but she would still speak. She would always speak whenever she felt that she ought to say something about the theme in discussion.
We will all miss her and hope to see her once again. In fact she has said that she is going to visit us in march of the next year. There we will have the happy encounter, in the main time she has demanded that she wants to see us all again in March.
We all know she is going to do fine.
See you Jessica! Good Luck!
The first future marine that I have ever known, she has such a spirit to be able to wake up the deads. Her friendly laugh can only be compared with Roger's. They would always act like two crazy clowns and make everyboy have a good time by laughing.
She has a carisma hard to find these days. It is as if the people like her were in danger of extinction, I consider myself lucky to have found a person of that kind. She is the living example of la risa remedio infalible. You will see the pigs fly before you see Jessica not smiling or shouting of happiness.
She is also very participative, there would be not a single ENC 1101 class where she did not have said something. She sometimes found some difficulties to express herself but she would still speak. She would always speak whenever she felt that she ought to say something about the theme in discussion.
We will all miss her and hope to see her once again. In fact she has said that she is going to visit us in march of the next year. There we will have the happy encounter, in the main time she has demanded that she wants to see us all again in March.
We all know she is going to do fine.
See you Jessica! Good Luck!
Ain't nobody bringing me down
Only a another full moon keeps me away from my first year living in this country. In this time have seen and learn so many things already in this short time. In the following lines I am pretty sure I am going to offend some people that I know, just want to say this is nothing personal, only business.
I arrived here and the first thing I did was setting up the bed were I was going to sleep. It is strange to see your new home and your new barrio. After doing the bed I was teach how to use the shower, and many other basic things. Like the one with the air conditioner that has to be off under no exceptions.
I went out of the airport at 3:30pm and had to be in downtown at 6:30 I think. In the main time I did all the stuff already described in the last paragraph. It happened all so fast, without noticing I was in the bus for the first time in this country. Then I was in the metro mover for the first time in my life. And shortly after I entered the Miami Dade College for the first time ever.
I remember hearing Dr. Hallowey talking to the crowd gathered, I hardly understood half of it. My dad pick up my brother and me from there and the at last the longest day of my life was finished. I woke up in my soft bed in Lima and in the same night I am sleeping in a bed in the US. Ready to face what the world has to show me here.
I've come to this country not to follow what this world wants me to follow. I have come to this country not to obey this system. I have come to this country to show to my surroundings that impossible is nothing. All my past life is finding its ultimate point with this new journey. As my mentor said: "you are survivor my son, I know you'll do fine anywhere in this world." But something different gives me a motor in this new journey.
I know God is with me, he is right at my side watching me writing this post. God and all the people I have met in Peru at least once support in this new adventure. All the sacrifice of the people in my family before me back me up. The promise of God to guide on my succeed in this country is far enough to be sure of me in this project.
So let everything come! It does not matter if I have to saty in the library unitl late, it does not matter if I have to go by bus. It does not matter if all the classes are in english. It does not matter if I still do not know to express myself well in this language. It does not matter if
the scholarships foundations do not accept me because I am an international student.
It does not matter if an old man tell me that I write like shit, or if he wants to know about me even though I do not want to tell him anything. I will still go on with my path and continue con la frente en alto. Anyone can come and critizime me, no matter how much others try I just simply will not surrender. There is not insult nor criticism that I have not been told before.
It does not matter if an old woman tell me that I can not travel to salzburg because of my current status or if a group of old man who sits in a thing call senate does not approve true justice for my latinoamericans compadres. I do not care if this country and its system does not accept someone who does not believe the same things its people do. This country will never americarizarme. It can try but it will not succeed.
This whole country can turn against me and still I will not fall. This world and all its problems fits in the palm of my hand. The time will soon come when I will be able to crush it.
I arrived here and the first thing I did was setting up the bed were I was going to sleep. It is strange to see your new home and your new barrio. After doing the bed I was teach how to use the shower, and many other basic things. Like the one with the air conditioner that has to be off under no exceptions.
I went out of the airport at 3:30pm and had to be in downtown at 6:30 I think. In the main time I did all the stuff already described in the last paragraph. It happened all so fast, without noticing I was in the bus for the first time in this country. Then I was in the metro mover for the first time in my life. And shortly after I entered the Miami Dade College for the first time ever.
I remember hearing Dr. Hallowey talking to the crowd gathered, I hardly understood half of it. My dad pick up my brother and me from there and the at last the longest day of my life was finished. I woke up in my soft bed in Lima and in the same night I am sleeping in a bed in the US. Ready to face what the world has to show me here.
I've come to this country not to follow what this world wants me to follow. I have come to this country not to obey this system. I have come to this country to show to my surroundings that impossible is nothing. All my past life is finding its ultimate point with this new journey. As my mentor said: "you are survivor my son, I know you'll do fine anywhere in this world." But something different gives me a motor in this new journey.
I know God is with me, he is right at my side watching me writing this post. God and all the people I have met in Peru at least once support in this new adventure. All the sacrifice of the people in my family before me back me up. The promise of God to guide on my succeed in this country is far enough to be sure of me in this project.
So let everything come! It does not matter if I have to saty in the library unitl late, it does not matter if I have to go by bus. It does not matter if all the classes are in english. It does not matter if I still do not know to express myself well in this language. It does not matter if
the scholarships foundations do not accept me because I am an international student.
It does not matter if an old man tell me that I write like shit, or if he wants to know about me even though I do not want to tell him anything. I will still go on with my path and continue con la frente en alto. Anyone can come and critizime me, no matter how much others try I just simply will not surrender. There is not insult nor criticism that I have not been told before.
It does not matter if an old woman tell me that I can not travel to salzburg because of my current status or if a group of old man who sits in a thing call senate does not approve true justice for my latinoamericans compadres. I do not care if this country and its system does not accept someone who does not believe the same things its people do. This country will never americarizarme. It can try but it will not succeed.
This whole country can turn against me and still I will not fall. This world and all its problems fits in the palm of my hand. The time will soon come when I will be able to crush it.
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